im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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