I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
