what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
