dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
