Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
