is wine microwaveable?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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