Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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