There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Randomize