So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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