i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
