I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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