what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
