I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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