these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
