So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
