last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
