i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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