I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
