Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
