WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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