so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
