Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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