This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
