I need to stop coming to work sober
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
its liver damage thursday
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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