Cold hands, warm shart.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
