You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
