Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
