Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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