So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
