My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize