we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
