Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just pee around me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
