I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
