I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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