The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
