I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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