I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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