Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
