i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
