I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
