She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
