I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
