i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize