I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
