no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
