im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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