Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
