For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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