____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
