He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
