thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
