My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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