there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
