Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just cropdusted the office
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
