let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
