Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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