Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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