Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
