whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was confusing and full of hummus
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
