At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
