Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize