So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
