I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
