next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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