I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
