I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize