In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
