I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
