She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize