You're my little dorito
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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