You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize