so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
