I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
