i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
