Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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