True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
