so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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