FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize
