Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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