I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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