Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
