you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
