u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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