In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
