Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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