sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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