there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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