is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
