i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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