All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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