I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
