I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
