you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
