I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
