omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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