this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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