Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
