Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I met the friendliest cop last night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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