I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
