you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
