I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
