Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
