She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
